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The game begins innocently enough. You and your mate are sprawled in your favorite TV positions, mindlessly gazing at the flickering images on the set. An old movie might be on. Maybe a rerun. A game show. Even a commercial. 

We play a little game at our house. I’m sure you’ve played it, too. The only equipment you need is a TV. Two can play, provided they are over 50 and about the same age. This is an adult game.  

The game begins innocently enough. You and your mate are sprawled in your favorite TV positions, mindlessly gazing at the flickering images on the set. An old movie might be on. Maybe a rerun. A game show. Even a commercial. Your jaws are chewing junk food, and all conversation has ceased for the evening.

Suddenly, one of you swallows his/her popcorn, sits upright, and points to the flickering screen with a buttery finger. Myopic eyes squint in concentration. It’s time to play:

“What guy?” the opponent asks.

“That one. With the beard and sideburns. He’s standing next to Charlie Chan — over by the cab. See him?”

Grab your specs and look closely. The first contestant slumps back into the couch cushions. His greasy mouth sneers in cruel hilarity. He knows you can’t resist the game. And he also knows that you will not rest until you find the answer to:

The air crackles with evidence of burning brain cells. You know the face.  Sure, it’s a little younger and thinner/ older and jowl-ier. But this guy is somebody ...

“He’s the guy on that show. You know. The one with that guy in the raincoat.”

“You mean 'Ironside?' Naw ... he was in a wheelchair. Maybe 'Matlock' ...”

Now, you’re sure it’s that guy. You just can’t think of his name. Neither can your mate — and that’s where the excitement comes from. One of you will finally put the face and name together. And there is no greater satisfaction than being the one to remember first.

“'Columbo.' That was the show. He was the guy who always yelled at Columbo to get a new raincoat. Remember?”

“Hmmm. I don’t think so. He’s too young here to be that guy there. Was he on ‘Hill Street Blues’? We watched that a lot.”

“Nope. You’re waaayyy off.” Your opponent doesn’t know who that guy is, but he is sure you don’t.

Now is the time for a little strategy. When John and I play, I like to pretend I don’t care who that guy is.

“Oh, just let it go, John. It doesn’t matter. Watch the show.”

“Yeah. OK. Sure.” I feel his smirk boring into the side of my face like a drill bit.

Nobody’s fooling anybody. Once a game of who is that guy? begins, it isn’t forgotten until somebody wins. No matter how long it takes.

Sometimes the game goes on for days. It is dropped for hours at a time, only to be resumed when a random recollection of a famous name pops into a muddled head. That name must be belched into whatever conversation is currently going on, and the other player must immediately respond.

“Anyway, I was gonna get bread on the way home, but the traffic was so bad ... ”

It is Rory Calhoun! That’s the name of that guy!  Remember?  He was the bad guy in ‘Motel Hell.’ We saw it at the drive-in back in the '70s!”

Ahhh. You won. The look on your opponent’s face says it all. His rusty wheels of recall have ground to a halt in agreement. A sigh of satisfaction is your prize. You’re just as sharp as you were thirty years ago.

If this game doesn’t sound fun to you, you probably haven’t been married long enough to appreciate the power that comes from being right. 

Robin Garrison Leach can be reached at robingarrisonleach@gmail.com.